Here are some jokes:

Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart. 
 Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said "I have three wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true." 
 Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was in Las Vegas with dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by music, food, and beautiful women." Instantly he was gone, his wish granted. 
 Friend number two smiled and said, "I wish I was back home right now with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our log cabin in the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing Christmas carols together." Just like that, he disappeared. 
 The genie asked the remaining man, "And what do you wish for?" 
 He answered, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me decide..."
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There`s a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. 
 Soon, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. 
 The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I`ll buy you another drink. I just can`t stand seeing a man crying." 
 "No, it`s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I`m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. 
 "The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar.  "And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. 
 Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he`s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts! 
 "I`m so sorry, auntie, I`ve eaten all of your peanuts!" 
 "That`s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I`ve sucked the chocolate off, I don`t care for them anyway."
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Svein våkner opp hjemme med en utrolig bakrus. Han tvinger seg selv til å åpne øynene og det første han ser er et par Ibux og et glass vann på nattbordet. Han setter seg opp i sengen og ser dressen og skjorta pent hengt opp, ren og nystrøket. Svein ser seg rundt i rommet og ser at det er perfekt orden, rent og ryddig. Så viser det seg at hele huset er det samme.
Han tar Ibux`en og legger merke til en lapp på stuebordet; Kjæreste, frokosten tår på kjøkkenet. Jeg gikk ut tidlig for å handle. Jeg elsker deg.
Han går ut på kjøkkenet, og ganske riktig finner han varm frokost og avisen der. Hans sønn sitter ved bordet og spiser frokost, så Svein spør; "Sønn, hva skjedde egentlig i går kveld?"
Sønnen svarer; "Jo du kom hjem etter klokken 03:00, fullstendig dritings.
Du tråkket på katta, veltet stuebordet, knuste krystallvasen etter mormor, spydde i hallen og ga deg selv et blått øye da du gikk rett på kjøkkendøra."
Forvirret spør Svein; "Så hvorfor er alt ordnet her, og dessuten ferdig frokost som ventet på meg?">
Da Mamma slepte deg inn på soverommet, og forsøkte å ta av deg buksene
sa du;   "Nei, la meg være i fred, jeg er gift..."

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Da Knut Torbjørn Eggen skrek så han måtte gå på do, hadde ikke spillerne noe valg. 13 målsjanser, årets første seier og et fyrverkeri av en fotballkamp ble resultatet.